Does God Love Me?

I sat at her kitchen table with a cup of tea. She had been at a retreat that I had given a week earlier, and she wanted to talk about it. “You know, I really don’t believe you,” she said. That sharpened my attention. “Would you tell me about that?” I asked. “Well,” she  said, “You told us that the core of our faith is that we are loved with  a mighty love by a wonderfully good God.” I nodded. She shook her head. “I can’t believe that.” She went on, “I believe that you believe that. And I believe that God loves you.” She looked down at the table.  “I just don’t believe that God loves me.” 

That was twenty years ago. Since then, as a hospital chaplain and a teacher, a spiritual director and a preaching coach, I have heard it many times, though perhaps not said so explicitly. Others have that same block of being unlovable. I cannot just intone, “God loves you.”  It does not it sink in. 

I recently participated in a seminar on childhood trauma. It began to fit. Trauma survivors are not helped by solutions. “God loves you”  sloughs off like oil in a non-stick pan. Trauma survivors are helped by developing resilience to deal with those early experiences that do not go away. 

Jesus says in today’s Gospel, “We will make our dwelling with you.”  Resilience comes through that “with.” Love comes in relationship,  that there is Someone who walks with us no matter what life has thrown at us. That presence is what brings peace. The Spirit is our  Advocate, God by our side here and now. 

And yet . . . even as I write them, these words also just feel like words, solutions. The experience of divine presence—that is what will heal our hearts. Holy Spirit, come, make it so!

Consider/Discuss 

• It is estimated that 50 to 70 percent of the people who sit in the pews of  Christian churches have been impacted by some kind of childhood trauma.  One of those people may be you. One of them may be your brother or spouse or child. How has the presence of God, Father, Jesus, Christ, Holy  Spirit—whatever name for the divine works best for you—helped you to cope with life’s experiences? What words could you use to share that sense of presence with someone whom you know that needs healing? What words don’t work? 
• Jesus says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.” These words come just before he is to suffer the deep and difficult trauma of the cross.  Pain is real. Yet we are in the Easter season of resurrection; we believe that the Lord has transformed this valley of tears. Healing is also real. Death and destruction are not the final answer. How does Easter resurrection give you peace and/or hope? 

Living and Praying with the Word 

Lord God, you who love us so deeply, we come to you for presence.  We turn to you in silence. We wait for you. You know the broken  places within us. You know where we block you out. You know  where we have been hurt. Sometimes we cannot believe the words  that we hear about you. Sometimes they feel too good to be true.  Come and be with us. Walk with us. We are afraid. We are troubled.  But we bring you that fear. We bring you our troubles. We cannot  walk through this valley of tears alone. Be with us. Help us. Let us  not be afraid to come into your presence, to enter into your glory. Be  present with us now in quiet and in splendor and in peace.